I am in Fiji, home of the most emotionally aggressive public phones on Earth

So what's to be trifled with? I don't know, it's always what's not to be trifled with that's the concern, but so, topping my list of inanimate things one would be foolish to mentally trifle with is the Fijian phone booth, doubtlessly the most psychologically forbidding phone booth I've double-taken in…so far.


Based on the sails and mast of the Drua, a South Pacific war canoe which was once launched by being rolled over the bodies of ten or more men who had been slain first on deck to coat the vessel in human blood. To make it more seaworthy, you see. A sort of human coin in a fountain, …pulling out an eyelash for luck, etc. Do people do that? Thinking about someone pulling out an eyelash, or imagining someone noticing an eyelash that's fallen out of someone else's eyelid, saying, “oooh wait!” and delicately picking it up with gap-mouthed whimsy before blowing it away after making a wish, or for luck, is making me actively disgusted with humanity. The Drua launching thing, I'm not one to judge. That was in the past.

But I have no doubt the end of eyelash blowing is nowhere in sight.

But today, in a cab, witnessing the unflinching, heavy-lidded boredom of our Indian taxi driver whose side mirror may have knocked a pedestrian's hand off as he sped down the road, was the understatedly dull, flesh-and-bone-thudding highlight of an otherwise unbloody day. Externally unbloody, at any rate.

But the other day, which was Saturday I think, yes, the second day after our arrival in Suva, Fiji, –the other day brought with it a highlight to no less than three people in the catamaran moored next to the Champagne; three people who had never before seen a Magic Bullet blender and drink mixer, pictured here. I say no less than three because a fourth initiate to the Magic Bullet is out of frame. So four. Magic Bullet initiates are not required to participate in any bloodletting or otherwise violent rites of passage; rest assured that Clark's evenhanded enthusiasm for the Magic Bullet was all it took to properly enrapture his audience. Whether an expatriated English captain, seen here regarding the Magic Bullet, or a Fijian member of his crew, I can assure you that all parties concerned aboard the Dragonfly that evening were equally impressed with the Magic Bullet.



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